Our Descent to a Victim Mentality

February 10, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

I had a problem with teaching each of my daughters to a mental victim. But I’m jumping ahead of myself. Let me explain what has led me to my latest tirade.

But First

I am sick and tired of people insinuating that I am less than my male counterparts. So in case you are left of left, you might want to stop right here, because I come at this from the right. I guess you might say I’m about to kick the hornets’ nest.

The Audi Commercial

I’ll begin with the Audi commercial aired during the Super Bowl. I’ve been mulling on their message for over a week now. How dare they imply that I am less or that my daughters are less than our male counterparts. I guess you can tell that I hated this commercial.

Audi Commercial

https://mobile.twitter.com/Audi/status/826811795117465601/video/1

I was raised a little differently than most of my friends. I come from a very conservative small town in north Florida, an agricultural town. My father did not have any sons but did have three daughters, and I am the oldest of the three. I hunted with him, my sisters and I camped all over America with our parents, and all three of us were so encouraged to reach beyond ourselves that I believed I could be anything I wanted to be.

I was so convinced of this, that it appalled me when two kids down the street said that there was no way I could be like the prima ballerina we had seen the night before on The Ed Sullivan Show. I told them that they were wrong, that all I had to do was work very hard to be just like her.

They said that I couldn’t do it, because what she had was real talent. I argued that she learned by repetition and hard work.

I might have done it, because I thought I could. They could have never done it, because they thought they couldn’t. See, I am still convinced.

I was raised with the opposite of victimology. In no way was I raised to think I couldn’t do anything. I even remember arguing with those two, that if I wanted to be President of the United States enough and if I worked hard enough, I could do it. Looking back, I realize now how fortunate I was to have had the parents I had.

Today, I realize that some of this relates to the American Exceptionalism doctrine that I was fed. It is a doctrine that is under fire, and I’m not so sure this is a good thing. And I’m not talking about supremacy, which I think has nothing to do with American Exceptionslism. It is a doctrine that made us reach beyond ourselves to achieve.

My parent’s teachings held me well.

Today, I am an elderly woman looking back on my years of education and career. In over twenty years I obtained a Ph.D. in Communication; worked in Florida’s legislative process for almost forty years, and now spend my time writing books and this blog. I made good money, more annually than many of my male counterparts. I busted my ass, and I represented my clients well.

I also raised two daughters, and I actually remember other women suggesting that maybe I was setting them up for disappointment. Outsiders were concerned that I didn’t tell my daughters what they should expect in the marketplace.

Frankly, I never wanted my daughters to feel like victims, so I held back on teaching them what I thought would turn around by the time they reached the marketplace anyway. I wanted them to enter the marketplace not looking for a slight at every turn or just waiting for someone to knock that chip off their shoulder. I wanted them to enter the marketplace the same way I did.

In case you think I had it easy, I’ll explain. In one job, I resigned and set my date of resignation to take advantage of a pending vacation. My boss’s boss who had made several passes at me, changed my date so I couldn’t take a vacation between the two jobs.

I sued the company in small claims court and won. There was no claim of sexual harassment, just a claim upon the money I believe I was owed. My boss, also a male, at great risk to himself made sure I had the information needed to litigate the case. I represented myself against their corporation’s local lawyer. I refused to be a victim.

Thank God, my Dad never had the attitude of the Dad in that Audi commercial. He sent me forward with an attitude that I could do what I wanted to do. All I had to do was be truthful and work hard.

By the way, my Dad never graduated from high school; but he raised three strong-willed women who have seven college degrees between us. And all of us had good careers. And in case you think my Mom was a doormat, think again. Anyone who truly knew her knew that she was the strongest willed of all of us.

Role Models

And since I am on the subject, there is someone else who I could never identify with. That someone was Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. From day one, I questioned why she remained the wife of someone who obviously did not have respect for women, let alone for her. Why did she stay with him, other than to pad her own future. Why did she remain a victim.

Frankly, I have little respect for a woman that is only herself through her husband. I did not want my daughters, who were growing up while she was First Lady, to think that men had the right to treat them the way her husband treated her. And I also didn’t want them to think that they had to hitch their star to a man in order to achieve. I hated that all of the sordid affair was on our televisions every night. I also resented that the Republicans made it so public.

While I was working in my first job as a secretary, they let me do some of the buyer responsibilities. I quickly realized that I was more successful with the latter if I never let the seller know I was female. I did my business by teletype and by snail mail. There was no internet then.

I signed my correspondence as C. E. Raker, my married name at the time. It was a man’s world, but I found a way to achieve in it. I found a way to not be the victim. Later when I had my daughters, I chose for them androgynous names so they would never have to deal with this problem. I didn’t want them to be victims either.

So Audi, this is why I hated your commercial. You basically tried to relegate me to a second class citizen if only in thought. I understand that you were trying to make a point, but for me you missed the mark. You targeted me and all women as victims.

The Audi commercial was there for everyone to hear, including my six-year old grandson. I don’t want him to be raised with that attitude either, that girls are less than boys; but I’m afraid Audi may have started that terrible thought in his mind. And this perpetuates the victim ization of women.

To the rest of America? Raise your daughters passionately optimistic and protect them from ever feeling like a victim. All this feminist talk I believe is making the wrong impression on very impressionable minds. And it wouldn’t hurt to remember the old adage, that you draw more bees with honey than with vinegar anyway.

Besides I didn’t raise my daughters to be advocates, I raised them to work in the marketplace and to be good American citizens.

Bored? Go Outside and Find Something to Do

February 3, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

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What’s Better? Supervised Play or Unsupervised Play?

January 29, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

Did you know that the time that today’s children spend playing is far less than the time we spent at play? How can that be with so many overwhelmed mothers who spend their time running children from one event to the next?

Siblings Wrestling in the Grass When They Thought No One Was Looking

Meanwhile, in our schools, there is a decline in recess. And at home, there is an increase in screen time. Altogether, this means there is an overall decline in unsupervised play.
From time to time, my husband Chuck and I reminisce about our childhood experiences and compare them to those of our grandchildren. The one that we feel is the most different is playing outdoors unsupervised.
Neither of us would trade our experiences for our grandchildrens’. Not only do we see fewer children playing outdoors, but we also see that those who do are almost always involved in some sort of competitive, adult-supervised play.
T-Ball

We feel that outdoor play is important to the development of children, but we also think that unsupervised play is equally important.
I learned in October while at the Type-A Parents Blogging Conference that we are not alone in our beliefs. Researchers say that free play significantly improves kids’ problem-solving skills. Play is also one of the best ways to stimulate children’s brain development. Active kids are more likely to be active adults.
Girls Playing

But is free play the same as unsupervised play?
Chuck likes to talk about the traditional pickup game and how he feels it helped him develop into an independent adult. I wrote an earlier blog that described his experience. You can find it here.
I like to tell about my and my sister Pam’s imaginary world of playing house, using a stick to draw our homes in the dirt road driveway leading down to our home. They didn’t pave the driveway until I was much older.
Also, many of us in the neighborhood liked to play down in the woods behind our houses. We built forts and dammed the stream back there. Those were wonderful days, and there wasn’t an adult in sight for hours at a time.

Teenagers hanging out.

At the Conference, I found the expo a kiosk about a movement called, “The Genius of Play”. This is a national movement whose mission is to give families the information and inspiration to make Play an important part in every child’s day. You can read about it here.
Their research says that play is more than fun and games; it is essential for child development. Their mission is to “give families the information and inspiration needed to make play an important part in every child’s life.” It advises playing tips and ideas based on a kid’s age and developmental stages.
Since the conference, I found other groups with the same purpose, such as PortlandFamily.org and www.Care.Com.
The Genius of Play and the other groups feel that there are six key benefits of play that are crucial to healthy child development. I’ve taken the liberty to regurgitate what they said, melding it all together below.

Key Benefits of Play
1. Play Improves Cognitive Abilities – There are studies that show a correlation between outdoor play and a reduction in ADHD symptoms. Outdoor play requires children to use their brains in unique ways. Also, it helps them to incorporate concepts learned in the classroom.
They may have learned about the parts of an insect in school, but in the outdoors they can study an insect up close, by themselves, and experience it in a hands-on way where they can see it and touch it, bringing to life the lesson they learned at their school. My daughters used to bring me rolly pollys and would also let the little green lizards bite their earlobes and wear them as earrings until they let go. Scientists tell us that outdoor play also decreases anxiety.
Exploring New Ground

2. Play Hones Communication Skills–Unstructured play helps with honing our communication skills. Not everyone can be chosen first nor can everyone take a turn on the slide first. Kids who take part in unstructured play with each other learn these communication and behavioral skills on the playground.
They also learn to change and enforce their own rules. Chuck and I both were involved in unstructured, unsupervised play. His story is about the pickup game you heard about earlier. Mine, though, was in a big field across the road from my home. It was surrounded by houses, as we lived at the edge of a small town. Kids from the houses met in that field and played football, baseball, or whatever was in season. As a girl, I loved football the best. I think it had something to do with getting tackled by the boys.
3. Play Increases Creativity–Outdoor play helps children use all their senses, such as insects to see, rustling leaves to hear, freshly mown grass to smell, rabbit weed to taste, and acorns to touch and throw. TV only gives them hearing and seeing, and it can seriously affect their perceptual abilities.
For example, biking develops self-confidence and satisfies one’s exploratory interest, and playing outdoors provides opportunities for imaginative play. Children invent things like Pam and I used to do with the imaginary houses we created. And it was dirt that presented limitless opportunities to invent our world as we pleased.
Building Creativity

4. Play Increases the Ability to Process and Express Emotions – Remember how excited we all got when someone made a touchdown or someone jumped across a wide ditch. Well, this is how we learned to process and express our emotions. We were challenged by the other kids; and that was a good thing, because we learned how to cope.
5. Play Develops Physical Skills – Did you know that children who play outdoors have better distance vision? A study by Optometry and Vision Science found this to be true. Also, outside play is relaxing and destressing for children.
Research shows that third graders who get 15 plus minutes of recess a day are better behaved in school. Playing outdoors also helps kids develop muscle strength and coordination. For example, the simple act of swinging requires a child to engage all their muscles to hold on, balance, and coordinate their body to move back and forth. Skating requires balance, too.
Climbing Trees

6. Play Enhances Social Skills – Outdoor play requires kids to learn to get along with each other. Unchaperoned play requires it, too. It also helps kids gain self-confidence. Children invent rules and negotiate their way through play. This increases their creativity, intelligence, and negotiation skills—all social skills that we need to function in society.
But I would like to add a seventh benefit.
7. Play in the Outdoors Develops Good Health – Lots of children suffer from vitamin D deficiencies according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. This vitamin is important to future bone and heart health, but too much sun is a problem as well. My mother and I both made our kids come indoors during the hours of 10-2 p.m. Florida gets quite hot during the middle of the day anyway. But children need to play outdoors without sunscreen for some part of the day, and I don’t remember using sunscreen as a child at all unless we were swimming or out all day on the beach. I can remember playing outdoors without my shirt until I got to be about 6 or 7 years old. I believe outdoor play for children is vital to their good health.
So grandmothers, encourage your children to read this. They need to understand that unstructured play is as important as school and adult-supervised sports.
Nothing like a sprinkler on a hot summer’s day.

Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychologist noted for her work on bipolar disorder, says it best, “Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.”

The Genius of Play

January 29, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life, Health

Did you know that the amount of time that today’s children spend playing is far less than the amount of time we spent at play? How can that be with so many overwhelmed mothers who spend their time running children from one event to the next?

Siblings Wrestling in the Grass When They Thought No One Was Looking

Meanwhile, in our schools there is a decline in recesses. And at home there is an increase in screen time. Altogether, this means there is an overall decline in unsupervised play.

From time to time my husband Chuck and I reminisce about our childhood experiences and find ourselves comparing them to those of our grandchildren. The one that we feel is the most different is playing outdoors.

Neither of us would trade our experiences with our grandchildren’s. Not only do we see less children playing outdoors, but we also see that those who do are almost always involved in some sort of competitive, adult-supervised play.

T-Ball

We feel that outdoor play is important to the development of children, but we also think that unsupervised play is equally important.

I learned in October while at the Type-A Parents Blogging Conference that we are not alone in our beliefs. Researchers say that free play significantly improves kids’ problem-solving skills. Play is also one of the best ways to stimulate children’s brain development. Active kids are more likely to be active adults.

Girls Playing

But is free play the same as unsupervised play.

Chuck likes to talk about the traditional pick up game and how he feels it helped him develop into an independent adult. I wrote an earlier blog which described his experience. You can find it here.

I on the other hand like to tell about mine and my sister Pam’s imaginary world of playing house, using a stick to draw our homes in the dirt road driveway leading down to our home. They didn’t pave the driveway until I was much older.

Also, many of us in the neighborhood liked to play down in the woods behind our houses. We built forts and dammed the stream back there. Those were wonderful days, and there wasn’t an adult in sight for hours at a time.

Teenagers hanging out.

At the Conference I found in the expo a kiosk about a movement called, “The Genius of Play”. This is a national movement whose mission is to give families the information and inspiration to make Play an important part of every child’s day. You can read about it here.

Their research says that play is more than fun and games; that it is essential for child development. Their mission is to “give families the information and inspiration needed to make play an important part of every child’s life.” It provides advice, play tips, and ideas based on a kid’s age and developmental stages.

Since the conference, I found other groups with the same purpose, such as PortlandFamily.org and www.Care.Com.

The Genius of Play and the other groups feel that there are six key benefits of play that are crucial to healthy child development. I’ve taken the liberty to regurgitate what they said, melding it all together below.

Key Benefits of Play

1. Play Improves Cognitive Abilities – There are studies that show a correlation between outdoor play and a reduction in ADHD symptoms. Outdoor play requires children to use their brains in unique ways. Also, it helps them to incorporate concepts learned in the classroom.

They may have learned about the parts of an insect in school, but in the outdoors they can study an insect up close, by themselves, and experience it in a hands-on way where they can see it and touch it, bringing to life the lesson they learned at their school. My daughters used to bring me rolly pollys and would also let the little green lizards bite their earlobes and wear them as earrings until they let go. Scientists tell us that outdoor play also decreases anxiety.

Exploring New Ground

They also learn to modify and enforce their own rules. Chuck and I both were involved in unstructured, unsupervised play. His story about the pick-up game you heard about earlier. Mine, though, was in a big field across the road from my home. It was surrounded with houses, as we lived at the edge of a small town. Kids from the houses met in that field and played football, baseball, or whatever was in season. As a girl, I loved football best. I think it had something to do with getting tackled by the boys.

3. Play Increases Creativity – Outdoor play helps children use all their senses, such as insects to see, rustling leaves to hear, fresh mown grass to smell, rabbit weed to taste, and acorns to touch and throw. TV only gives them hearing and seeing, and it can seriously affect their perceptual abilities.

For example, biking develops self-confidence and satisfies one’s exploratory interest, and playing outdoors provides opportunities for imaginative play. Children invent things like Pam and I used to do with the imaginary houses we created. And it was dirt that presented limitless opportunities to invent our world as we pleased.

Building Creativity

5. Play Develops Physical Skills – Did you know that children who play outdoors have better distance vision? A study by Optometry and Vision Science found this to be true. Also, outside play is relaxing and destressing for children.

Research shows that third graders who get 15 plus minutes of recess a day are better behaved in school. Playing outdoors also helps kids develop muscle strength and coordination. For example, the simple act of swinging requires a child to engage all their muscles to hold on, balance, and coordinate their body to move back and forth. Skating requires balance, too.

Climbing Trees

But I would like to add a seventh benefit.

7. Play in the Outdoors Develops Good Health – Lots of children suffer from vitamin D deficiencies according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. This vitamin is important to future bone and heart health, but too much sun is a problem as well. My mother and I both made our kids come indoors during the hours of 10-2 p.m. Florida gets quite hot during the middle of the day anyway. But children need to play outdoors without sunscreen for some part of the day, and I don’t remember using sunscreen as a child at all unless we were swimming or out all day on the beach. I can remember playing outdoors without my shirt until I got to be about 6 or 7 years old. I believe outdoor play for children is vital to their good health.

So grandmothers, encourage your children to read this. They need to understand that unstructured play is as important as school and adult-supervised sports.

Nothing like a sprinkler on a hot summer’s day.

Kay Redfield Jamison, a psychologist noted for her work on bi-polar disorder, says it best, “Children need the freedom and time to play. Play is not a luxury. Play is a necessity.”

Postcards from the Blue – Virginia (Cont.)

January 17, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Travel

We did not spend Christmas Day in Virginia, nor did we hit the blue highways. Instead, we spent it on the water in Annapolis, Maryland at a restaurant called Carrol’s Creek Cafe; and it was a scrumptuous buffet, especially the oyster dressing. We also visited the Naval Academy where our son went to school and married his bride. It was good to visit the campus again.

The Naval Academy Chapel where Jeff and January Married

Our daughter Jamie’s mother-in-law is British; and her best friend also British, was there at dinner, too. I thoroughly enjoyed listening to both women speak in their native accents, which thickened as they relaxed. It was good to spend Christmas with family.
The next day, on our way back to Florida, we drove south down the eastern side of Chesapeake Bay on US 50 and US 13. A long drive of mostly four-laned roads, we finally crossed the amazing 23-mile long Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel, which I had traveled on when I was a girl on our way to the New York World’s Fair in 1965.

But that is another story for another day. The views of the Bay from the bridge were awesome though it was an overcast day.

Chesapeake Bay Tunnel Bridge

After crossing the bridge-tunnel we went west on US 60 and ended the day in Williamsburg where we spent two nights. The first day we went to Jamestown Settlement living history museum. But first I think I need to give you a little background on why both of us are super interested in this area. No surprise, I’m sure. It relates to genealogy.

First, my Roe ancestor came to Jamestown sometime before 1650 as an indentured servant. We also know that he married or his son married a Powhatan Indian. We’re not sure which generation, but John the immigrant has a deed witnessed by Thomas Rolfe, the son of Pocahontas. So that is one ancestor.

The other is Richard Lee, the immigrant, called this because there are several Richard Lees who succeed him. He is a common ancestor to both Chuck and myself.

Just before we married, I asked Chuck’s Mom about Chuck’s lineage, such as who his grandparents and great grandparents were. She said that Chuck’s Grandmother Littlejohn before she married was a Lee.

I told her, “We have Lees in my family. My Grandmother Hamrick’s Great Grandmother was a Lee before she married.” I asked Dody where Chuck’s Lees were from, and she said that they were from around Marion, SC. I told her that ours were from around Valdosta, GA; and that with all the Lees in America, I doubted there was a connection.
She said that their Lees came down from Virginia and were from the family that was kin to Robert E. Lee. Well, I felt certain we weren’t kin, because surely someone would have remembered “that” in my family.

Well, apparently not because just a few years after Dody passed, I was asked by one of my Lee family members, who lived in south Florida, if I could go look something up in the Valdosta, Georgia library on the Lees. Valdosta is not that far from Tallahassee.

There, I discovered that my Valdosta Lees migrated before the Civil War from? You guessed it, Marion, SC. My Lees and Chuck’s Lees were related after all. Upon further research we discovered that we are eighth cousins once removed, and we share Richard Lee as a common ancestor.

So we were also both interested in Jamestown, because this is where Richard Lee migrated to in 1635 as a eighteen-year-old unmarried man. But which Jamestown should we visit? There are two.
We first went to Jamestown Settlement, a recreation of Jamestown. There is an indoor museum, which does a great job of explaining the story and an outdoor full-scale reproduction of Jamestown with a recreated Indian village nearby. They come complete with actors in period costume and even animals that ran free just like they did in the early 1600s.

Jamestown Recreated

For example, at one point a young man called everyone together to read a decree from the Governor who ordered that every man and woman meet at the palisade wall near the church to learn how to fire a muzzle-loader and to practice loading. Lord, that matchlock was loud. There was also a cooking demonstration in one of the homes.

In the museum it explained the lives of indentured servants, and I was extra interested in this because this was the life of John Roe, until he worked off his service. Many died so it seems I come from good stock.

We spent an entire day at Jamestown Settlement, but it was worth it. We just wish we had brought the grandchildren. I took lots of pictures, and the ones of the church would prove to be significant later.

The Church at Jamestown Settlement

They even recreated the Susan Constant, the flagship of the expedition that brought them here.

Susan Constant

Jamestown Settlement was so good that we almost didn’t go on to Historic Jamestown. Instead, the next day we went in search of our common ancestors Richard Lee and Ann Constable. We drove the Colonial Parkway which starts near Jamestown and runs all the way east to Yorktown along the southern bank of the York River. Beautifully scenic this was one of our favorite drives of the entire trip.

At Yorktown we crossed the York River driving north on US 17. It was a beautiful day for a Northern Neck drive, which is what this area is called. We had lunch in Kilmarnock at Lee’s Restaurant for a home-cooked meal; but their pies, were the best.

Found online I had directions to Richard and Anne Lee’s graves, which were near Kilmarnock. I put a general address into the GPS designed to get us close. It got us close enough that we found this sign. We knew we were on the right track.

We drove the rest of the way on forest roads and found the little cemetery with little trouble. At first we just sat in the car and stared, letting the magnitude of this occasion sink in.

Grave site of Richard and Anne Lee

We took pictures of the site, and we talked about the coincidence of two of their offspring finding each other almost 400 years later. I wonder how many of Richard Lee’s offspring show up here married to each other?

The marker told us that they were married in Jamestown in 1641, and we knew that we just had to go to Historic Jamestown and visit the site where they said their vows. But this posed a problem. Which church were they married in. There were several.

Was it the old wooden church which was built on cobblestones at Jamestown between 1617 and 1619? I took pictures of what that church looked like at Jamestown Settlement the day before.

Jamestown Settlement Church

Or was it the brick church which they built on the existing foundation of the earlier church? It was built between 1639 and 1700. They were married in 1642, so was this one built before or after they married? Not sure.

One thing was for sure, though. They married on the foundations of the earlier two churches, where now sits the church that the National Society of the Colonial Dames of America built in 1907. I walked inside the vestibule of this church which is an old tower.

Historic Jamestown Church built in 1907

They built this newer church on to the original church tower which is still standing, so we knew there was a possibility that this tower was there when they married. They built the tower between 1639, though possibly earlier, and 1700. Maybe the tower was there the day they married?

Church Tower at Historic Jamestown

Chuck stopped outside of the church to listen to a docent, while I stepped inside. I stood there in the foyer created by the tower and thought about my 10th Great Grandmother Anne Constable, who stood here waiting for that most exciting moment in her young life, when she would forever hitch her wagon to someone else’s dreams. We might have been ten generations apart but this feeling had to be the same.

Inside the Church at Historic Jamestown

Other occurrences weren’t the same. How did she feel when she and Richard crossed the York River leaving the safety of the fort to forge a new life in this new land. Did she lie awake at night fearful of the sounds outside her cabin? What was it like for her when the Indians raided their neighbors?

As stated before, the rest of this church built in the early 1900s was built on the foundation of the church built in 1607 and the later one built after 1639. We cannot be sure what the building was like when they married, but we can be sure about the foundation.

They married standing on this site; and the Colonial Dames did something really cool. In this church one can see the original foundations through strips of glass flooring. Richard and Anne stood on these very stones before God and their loved ones and pledged their trough to one another.

Historic Jamestown is totally separate from Jamestown Settlement. Here is simply a small museum, a film explaining what happened, and the actual site complete with ongoing archeological digs. We spent the remainder of the day wandering around Historic Jamestown.

Unfortunately, we never made it to historic Williamsburg. We ran out of time, but we have to go back. Chuck’s ancestor Oliver Littlejohn came to the New World later in the 1600s and became overseer of Middle Plantation owned by Governor Andros, the site of the future Williamsburg.

On our way back to Florida, we crossed the James River by ferry on County Road 31 south. We watched the sun set as we crossed. On the other side of the river our GPS wound its way down blue highways and through little towns until we got to Stony Creek on Interstate 95 where we stopped for the night because this was the first lodging we found since we left the ferry, an hour back.
The next morning on another beautiful drive, we followed State Road 40 farther west and then turned on US 1 going south picking up US 58 going farther south. Today, we are headed to Pam’s grave, and I cried several times on the trip down. Thankfully, there was lots of beautiful scenery to distract me.

We crossed over into Virginia on State Road 49 and then took State Road 62 for many more miles before it ran out. The GPS wound us through several more county and state roads south of Greensboro until we got to Statesville, NC.

We went directly to the cemetery to place some flowers on my sister Pam’s grave. It was windy and cold up on the hill where we stood next to the mausoleum.

I haven’t been back since she passed last spring. Because her husband placed a small lighted Christmas tree there at her grave, we gave the flowers to him to place later which he did. He sent us this picture.

We also had a wonderful visit with him, his mom, and stepfather. It was good to talk to Mike again, and he had wonderful news. Mike’s lungs are in bad shape, and Pam was more worried about his health than her own. Mike told us that he is a good candidate for a double lung transplant. He is waiting, and we are all hopeful and praying.

Finally, we stopped to visit Pam’s daughter in Shelby, NC, spending the night and getting up early the next morning. We got on back to Florida driving blue highways all the way home only stopping in Anderson, SC to watch the Gator Bowl until halftime and in Milledgeville to watch more football in a downtown bar. After all it is New Year’s Eve. We got home about 10 p.m. and watched a movie on TV until the New Year.

So this is our first postcard from the blue. Happy New Year to you and yours. And we wish for your family an especially healthy and prosperous 2017.

Hidden Figures: A Movie Review

January 16, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Entertainment Reviews, Movies

Last Thursday night Chuck, his sister Susan, and I went to see the movie “Hidden Figures.” I loved this movie. It captured all the excitement of NASA during the Mercury program, and it also captured the stories of three special women who worked at NASA during that time–three African-American women.

Events in the story stayed pretty true to what actually happened with the exception of some of the characters such as the director played by Kevin Costner. His character is fictitious, a compilation of several directors at Langley. Also the main character’s boss is a fictitious person. His character represents the segregation issues they faced.

The movie is based on a book of the same name.

One character in particular is amazing, especially in real life. Katherine Johnson is truly the real thing. Her story alone is worth the movie. She is a mathematician, otherwise known as a “computer”. In real life she was a freshmen in high school by the age of ten, and she graduated from college by her eighteenth birthday.

There is a scene in the movie where John Glenn told them that he wanted the math for his re-entry trajectory checked by the ‘girl’. He was talking about Katherine. He actually said that in real life. She was that good at what she did.

I wondered how much of the movie stayed true to actual events, so I went online and found a very good comparison at a website called History vs. Hollywood. You can read it here.

This is a great movie for children older than toddlers. It does a wonderful job of demonstrating the importance of science and math in a life and death situation. It also does a good job of showing the civil rights issues facing African Americans and women in the 1950s and 60s.

The only fault I can find with this film is when the women speak defiantly to their bosses. I was a woman in the workplace in the 1970s, and I cannot believe anyone who kept their job got away with that type of behavior. That is the way people today talk to each other.

I told Chuck that the best I could tell, that is what these women wanted to say…not what they actually said. If I had spoken to my boss like that, I wouldn’t have had much of a chance for promotion. Also, the same applied for junior men in the workplace, too. They couldn’t have gotten away with it either.

Back then there was a rigid pecking order in most workplaces. Stepping out of it usually got you nowhere. Some of us finally learned that the best way to overcome it was to leave…to change jobs.

Finally, I read in the History vs. Hollywood article about Katherine’s father. This man was a true hero. What he did to make sure all his children got a full education was absolutely wonderful and above and beyond. What a great example he set for his children.

So go see this movie and take the kids. It is a comedy drama, based on true events–one of the best I’ve seen in years. It is a true family movie.

Postcards from the Blue-Virginia

January 13, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Travel

Over the holidays, Chuck and I took a little trip to Virginia, a road trip along the blue highways of the southeast. Here are a few highlights.
But one thought first before I begin. Because I take my mental health seriously, I anticipated probably too much so the emotional difficulty of these holidays. It has only been nine months since my sister passed away.
We were supposed to be at her North Carolina house this year for Christmas, and I just didn’t think it was smart for me and Chuck to stay home this year with all the kids away visiting their in-laws. I worried that my emotional state would overwhelm me.
But I also worried that I might make myself equally sad if I had no family near by during the Christmas weekend. So we decided to go to Virginia to visit the stomping grounds of a common ancestor and then drive north to Annapolis to have Christmas dinner with our daughter Jamie and her in-laws. It turned out to be a very good plan.
So chuck and I got in the car and went north. The main reason was as I explained, but we did have an itinerary. We decided to go to Virginia for a little genealogy stop near Jamestown, and we decided to travel blue highways.
On our way north we traveled west of the Appalachians stopping one night to visit our daughter in Atlanta, an afternoon to visit a cousin near the Tennessee line, and a night in Christmasy Gatlinburg to give those folks a little of our tourism money. They were devastated by the fires in that area less than a month before.
On the way north out of Atlanta we got off I-75 and drove US 411. The scenery is extra special for me, because this is the way we went to visit my Dad’s Roe relatives who lived in and around Chatsworth, Georgia. I always loved this drive.

Love these old barns. This was one was US 411 north of Atlanta.

I told Chuck that I’m so old that I remember when I-75 wasn’t finished yet. The last section completed was just north of Atlanta, and I can remember getting off the interstate and getting back on farther north before we crossed over into Tennessee. My Uncle Moody lived in Detroit, so we drove I-75 north all the way to Michigan several times in my life.
This trip, though, was perfect and relaxing. We took our time, drove blue highways, and talked up a blue storm. The winter woods at the western foothills of the Appalachians were beautiful. I found that the total change in place helped tremendously. Our conversations about Pam were positive ones, remembering the good times we had as children.
I wish I could tell you the roads that we took. I know that we continued on US 411 north toward Gatlinburg after stopping in Eton, Georgia; but sometime just after dark we drove through some of the Great Smokies National Park. We got off of 411 somewhere, but now I’m not sure which roads we took.
We did not drive through Pigeon Forge. That I would have remembered. All I know is that we told the GPS that we wanted a route with no freeways. It was a slow, easy beautiful drive.

Gatlinburg was so Christmasy and at night we could see no fire damage, but the next morning was a different story. It is so sad what happened to them. The north side of Gatlinburg was hit the worst. It seemed to be hit and miss. There were businesses untouched and then a gutted motel or other type of building in the middle of those untouched. Their firemen and those from other places did an amazing job of saving what they could.

In one place everything on each side of a draw was burned out, but down in the middle of the draw was a little house untouched. Chuck joked, “Well, now we know where the fire chief lived.” Funny man.
After Gatlinburg, we continued north on US 321 working our way up west of the mountains mostly on US 321 and then US 11. As we crossed the Appalachians, we stopped in Wytheville, Virginia to stay in a historical hotel called the Bolling-Wilson, named after their town’s most known matriarch, the wife of President Woodrow Wilson. It was beautifully decorated.

But what we really loved was the view from their roof terrace. I was unable to capture the view at night; and it rained the next morning, so here is a photo off their website.

We ate breakfast the next morning across the street at Skeeter Dog’s and hit the road again going south to pick up US 52 and then eventually US 221 to the east. We rambled all over the place stopping to eat lunch in Floyd, Virginia.

Then we took roads like County Road 24, US 460 and US 360 stopping here and there to walk around a little town and get a cup of coffee or Diet Coke. This was an especially beautiful drive, and we even passed through Appomattox. I’ve got history here. I have kin who were there for the surrender and then had to walk all the way back to Florida. We spent the night in Richmond.

The next morning near Richmond we found Chuck’s old home place from when he was in elementary school. Little Laurel, Virginia is now a bedroom community totally enveloped by Richmond; but he found his neighborhood and had a great little walk down memory lane.

Chuck’s house was the blue one, and the place they played was behind the brick building at a school that is no longer there.

It was here where he played his first pick-up games. I wrote a blog post about how important those games were to him. You can read it https://oldageisnotforsissiesblog.com/?s=Pick-up.
About mid morning we drove north out of Richmond and took US 301 all the way to Annapolis and crossed the upper part of Chesapeake Bay. It was Christmas Eve and we spent it on on Kents Island in Chesapeake Bay. We had dinner at a place called Annie’s, because it was the only place we could find open.

It seems every one else on the island showed up, too. It was crowded. We had raw oysters on the half shell and gin and tonics, and life was good.

Annie’s on Kent’s Island

When a Dad is the Best Role Model

January 4, 2017 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

I don’t think I’ve talked very much about my Dad, but he was quite a character. He had a great personality and always seemed to be very comfortable living in his own skin.

Dad, Pam & Me

He was a special person–witty, strong, courageous, spontaneous, decisive, honest to a fault, considerate, inclusive, frugal, fair, and fun-loving. He was handy with his hands. He built our home–literally built it with his own two hands from the ground up. It sits where my Grandparents’ chicken house used to sit, where over a hundred chickens once lived.

I now own that home, and I remember years ago asking him about a light switch that didn’t seem to be connected to anything. I said, “What does it go to?” And he replied, “I don’t know. No telling what that twenty-five year old boy was thinking when he wired this part of the house.”

That light switch is in the oldest part of the house which he built when he was in his mid twenties. He also added that as far as he knew there was not a right angle in this entire section. Well, that part of the house is almost sixty years old, and it is solid as a rock.

Mom & Dad

Year after year I worked legislative sessions. Florida’s legislature only meets for sixty days during each spring. We work non-stop, live on adrenaline, and the sessions in my memory flow one into the other. But there is one that will be forever etched into my mind. It was the session of 2003, when I took a call and stepped out of a meeting over in the Hilton Hotel (now Doubletree) to talk to my Dad’s doctor.

The news was not good. The doctor told me that he believed that Dad had pancreatic cancer. One of the worst kinds. We talked procedures, chemo, radiation, surgeries, and strategy; but the prognosis was weeks to possibly months to live.

Still he was not sure, and there would have to be tests. As it turned out, lots of tests and several months before we were sure.

That session I moved from meeting to meeting and room to room in a deliberative manner. It was like I got an extra shot of adrenaline, and I was firing on all cylinders. I had energy like no get out. My memory of those days is as clear as a bell.

It occurs to me now that Dad had that Doctor call me. I remember asking him if Dad already knew about the cancer, and the doctor said yes.

Dad, Linda & Savanna

For years after Dad died I thought the Doctor called me on his own, but now I feel certain Daddy wanted me to hear the whole thing because decisions had to be made. My Dad and I conferred off and on over the next months as to what procedures to do and not do. My Mom was already sick both physically and now mentally too, so that wasn’t an option. I became his sounding board. I learned how useful the Internet was under these circumstances.

I also remember during that legislative session moments when my mind wandered to my childhood–to memories of our times together when I was a child–memories of Mom, Dad, Ranny, Pam and later Linda Baby, the littlest sister who was born when I was almost 15.

These memories were different, though, because this time it was like I was looking back across a void that I never noticed before. Until then, I still felt like I was young. I was still his little girl, but all of a sudden I wasn’t anymore. Something shifted as if a new dimension opened up in my life. I guess it was about time, because I was 49.

I look back now and realize that anything that I was, anything that I did successfully in helping to take care of him was by his mentoring. If I was strong, it was because he had always been strong. If I was reliable, it was his reliability that set the tone. He was the best role model.
Today, he would have been 87. Happy Birthday, Dad!

Dad

The Real Truth About the Pickup Game

December 14, 2016 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

The pickup game is fondly remembered for its hours of unsupervised play. Those halcyon days when we played outdoors until dark when we were expected to come back home for supper.

Every once in a while Chuck and I reminisce about how good we had it as youngsters. Some of our best experiences were those without the intrusion of parents. We both were allowed to experience life and freedoms that kids today don’t seem to have.

Chuck was raised in cities, like Richmond, Knoxville and Jacksonville; and I was raised in a small rural town in Florida. But both of us ran free. We were just expected back home in time for supper; and if we were wandering out of our range, we had to check back first with our parents.

It was a wonderful sort of freedom. We spent hours making our own forts in the woods, fishing in ponds, playing in pick up games, and just generally hanging out with the neighborhood kids. Those were special times.

Chuck said that the pick up games are what he remembered most fondly. The pick-up game is a game spontaneously started by a group of kids. Chuck said that the kids in his neighborhood knew that generally there would be a game going on when the kids were out of school. Sometimes it was in a local park or a school playground within walking distance.

He said that there was no referee or adult present, so the kids made their own rules and refereed themselves. The total number of players was always different with sometimes more than normal and sometimes less. They played baseball, dodge ball, basketball, and football this way.

Kids were chosen for each team, and he remembers being chosen last and working harder to be chosen earlier in the lineup. He said that he threw many a ball at a concrete wall in the neighborhood just to get more practice.
We did the same in my neighborhood in Monticello, but we did it in an old pecan grove across the street from my home. A couple of the trees died, and we used the large open area to play. There was always a gang of kids over there.

Photo from Pixabay

I just read a rather long, but good article from a young woman who had the amazing opportunity of growing up in both the US and Estonia. She experienced two types of parenting cultures and talks about their differences. Chuck and I wondered if growing up in Estonia was a little like growing up in the 50s and 60s here in the US.

Read here what she had to say. It is entitled “What Living in the USSR as a Kid Taught Me about Parenting.”

So how was it in your neighborhood? Did you have helicopter parents or were they stealth parents like mine? Mine were always there, but they just mostly watched from afar.

Top 10 Gifts for the Grandparents

December 12, 2016 by oldageisnotforsissies54 Filed Under: Family Life

What do your grandparents want for Christmas? Good question! I certainly remember how hard it was to buy for my grandparents. So now that I’m a grandmother myself, I thought I might be of help to my readers.

Every year I get a call from one of my kids asking, “What do you want for Christmas?” This year Jamie was the designated caller calling for all the kids.

So I decided to do a blog post called “What Grandparents Want for Christmas”. Listed below are some suggestions of what Chuck and I would want or need. Some of the items we already have; but I added them anyway, because they were such favored gifts.

Old Age Is Not for Sissies Blog (oldageisnotforsissiesblog.com) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

For Grandma

The New Sweater Robes

I love the new sweater robes. They come in different lengths, some tie, and some don’t. They look super chic. I found this one online, but it is already sold out. It was my favorite and by Donna Karan. I added it so you could see how cool the new robes can be.

Here’s another that I found online at Amazon. Click on the picture and you can see it better. You can purchase it here, too, if you wish; but I need to let you know that I receive a small commission for anything you purchase here from my blog page.

I also found some really pretty sweater robes at Talbots in their store. They also have one that ties, but I like the ones that are open.

A New Yoga Mat

Place this one in the need category. I have back trouble, but it has been under control ever since I started doing Yoga twice a week. I practice a very ancient Yoga that is slower and more careful, though; and I have worn out three Yoga mats already.

Yoga Gift Certificate

One of the problems of old age is that our joints don’t move as easily as they used to. I’ve found, though, that Yoga takes care of that problem for me. I never ache and I have good movement all over.
My yoga studio has gift certificates. I go to Halfmoon Yoga, but there are many other studios in Tallahassee. I try to go twice a week, and it costs me $60 for five sessions. I don’t consider it exercise, but something I do for my health. The only thing that decompresses me as well is a morning in the turkey woods :), which is only a springtime thing. Yoga is year around.
You need to do your homework, though. Not all Yoga is the same, and you can get hurt if your practitioner isn’t well versed in the art. There are also different kinds of Yoga. I believe hot Yoga is for the younger. I go to Yoga to relax and decompress, along with the other health benefits. Gift certificates are usually available.

Pedicure Gift Certificate

This is a no brainer, but make sure she likes a pedicure. There are the occasional people who don’t like it. I use Classic Nail Spa in the Carriage Gate Shopping Center here in Tallahassee. They have gift certificates available.

A Good Scrub and A Buttery Cream

As we get older, our skin gets drier. I use a good scrub, either salt or sugar, to soften my feet, cuticles, elbows, etc.
  
Then I follow up with a good hand or body cream. I like fragrances, but not everyone does.

PJs

I gave up gowns a long time ago. As we age, we go through all kinds of changes. One is hot flashes and sweating. I need something between my legs to capture the moisture. Also, I get colder now.
PJs are the perfect choice for me. My mother always seemed to be too hot, so she used lighter PJs instead with short sleeves. For winter I need long sleeves and shoulders. I just get cold some nights.

A Silk-Filled Pillow

I got a silk down pillow in China, and I’ll find another one when this one wears out. I love this pillow. Actually these pillows are a good gift for both grandparents.

For Grandpa

Full Body Sensing Bathroom Scale

Full body sensing is important to us since our doctor checks us for muscle mass now. He says that maintaining good muscle mass is very important to our health as we age.

With this Body Composition Monitor and Scale, you get a comprehensive understanding of your body composition to help you reach your fitness goals. The Scale measures seven fitness indicators including body fat percentage, body mass index (BMI), skeletal muscle mass, resting metabolism, visceral fat, body age and body weight. We have this scale, and it changed our entire outlook on how we view our health. I can literally see how a 15 minute session of using light weights increases my muscle mass. Again, this is a good gift for both grandparents.

Work gloves

Chuck’s hands need protection, because our skin thins as we get older. I’ve noticed that he is always asking me to help him find his work gloves. He has several pair, but they are all just about shot.
Below is a good pair that was chosen for dexterity, comfort, and good reviews. They are pricier, though, than he would choose for himself; but these are a gift and of good quality. There are cheaper gloves especially by Carhartt.

Portable Fireplace

We recently bought one for our back porch and now Chuck wants one for the Coasthouse. That’s how much he liked the one at the house. We got ours from Tractor Supply.

Here’s another one from Amazon. It is about three inches shorter than ours, but comes with free shipping. Another gift for both grandparents.

Bathrobe

First, check and see if he needs one. Chuck’s hangs his in our bathroom, or you may find it in his bedroom. Chuck’s can also hang in his closet. If you don’t live close enough, ask someone to check for you or just ask him. But be prepared to be told that his is ok when it isn’t. They get too attached.

Gardening Shears & Wheelbarrow

If either is a gardiner, new pruning shears can help. A gift for both grandparents.

Check their equipment to see if anything needs replacing. I had to buy a new wheelbarrow in the past year. I like this kind because it is easy for me to maneuver, load and unload.

Guest Towels

Does their house need new visitor towels for the guest bath. The other day I was in a friend’s home. She is almost 90, and she still lives alone. Her eyesight is failing, and I noticed that her hand towels for guests were faded and dusty. This is what I bought her. I got her two with her surname initials on them.

What about out on the porch. Anything need replacing? Sofa pillows? Knick knacks on the tables?

Check out his tools and their work bench and/or potting bench. Anything look tired and worn out?

Best Gift of All, Though…

Is the Gift of You! If money is a problem, give them the gift of “you”. Maybe give them a hand-made certificate for an afternoon of help in the yard or a morning of help in the kitchen. Your time is a gift worth even more because they get to spend it with you.
So these are some of my ideas for grandparents. Maybe, you have a good suggestion, too. Please add yours in the comments below. Together, we can help everyone find the perfect Christmas gifts for Granddaddy and Grandma.

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