It is with a heavy heart that I must discontinue posting to my blog; why I must say goodbye. I find that I have less and less time for this endeavor as Chuck’s condition continues to decline.
If you remember, a little more than a year ago I posted a description of my initial reactions to Chuck’s diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. You can read about it here.
We entered into a long line of tests feeling confident that they would find an answer to his short-term memory problem, a diagnoses that could be reversible. We were wrong. It appears Chuck is part of the 65% who worsens over time.
At the time I thought I could continue the blog and maybe even share moments of our life with all of you. I even thought it might be therapeutic.
But I was wrong on so many levels. As Chuck’s condition deteriorates, I have less and less time for the blog, book, the garden, or any other hobbies that I had. It’s time to say goodbye.
One Wild Ride
It has been a wild ride. He completely stopped paying bills back around Christmas of last year, and it was a relief at the time because I never knew whether all the bills were getting paid or not. Since then I have had to pick up that chore myself. For the first time in 30 years I’ve had to sit down and pay bills. On the bright side I haven’t had to worry about our finances in a very long time.
On the other hand when things break, I no longer have him to depend upon. In fact the situation has reversed and is worse than ever. He still thinks he can fix it.
For example, a few weeks ago one of the toilets at the coast malfunctioned. We don’t stay there all the time, and we noticed an odor each time when we arrived—an odor that disappeared after a short while. Then a couple of weeks ago we arrived but this time the odor did not disappear right away. Instead Chuck flush the toilet and water poured out of the seal just above the floor.
We immediately called the plumber but it was Friday afternoon and the plumber could not get to us until Monday. We decided not to use the toilet until he came. He told us that the toilet had been re-sealing itself after each long period of non use until finally the gap got so large that it released water.
However on that Saturday Chuck called me into that bathroom and proudly announced that he fixed the toilet. He had a bucket of water and had taken the lid off of the back of the toilet whereupon he demonstrated how he could pour the water into the tank and then lift the bulb to flush the toilet. I tried to explain that this wasn’t the problem but he would have none of it so convinced was he. I’m learning to just agree and move on. By that afternoon, he broke the bulb off.
The next Monday I had a doctor’s appointment and was away when another plumber came who did not know exactly what was wrong with the toilet. So he fixed the broken bulb and left without fixing the seal. I had to call the plumber back to fix the original problem.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
This is my life now, one step forward and two steps back. And now Chuck is having fender benders—at least five that we know of in the past several weeks. Two totaling almost $5,000. He is having a driving assessment. Meanwhile we have to try to keep him out of the car…and the boat.
He is angry about it because he doesn’t understand. He keeps telling us that he feels fine and that nothing is wrong and that we are all blowing this out of proportion. Yesterday he angrily accused us of treating him like a child.
Time to Reorganize
And so my time is consumed by phone calls, appointments, and general minutia. It is time for me to re-organize my life so that I begin to have more time for Chuck as well as myself. I also have to realize that I cannot do it all.
So I won’t be posting anything new and will probably not continue updating any of the old posts as I have been doing since the first of the year. I will keep the website up and I may give everyone an update from time to time but nothing will be regular. For now I owe it to my sweet, sweet Chuck to try to maintain calm and carry-on the best that we can, to bask in the fleeting golden moments of time together.
It has been a wonderful five years writing to you. Thank you to everyone for all the supportive comments and feedback and all the best to each of you. I may be back when life changes again, but for now it is goodbye.
So sorry to read this. As someone who deals with a spouse’s health problems, I know it can be very trying. Hopefully, you can find the occasional moments for some cathartic writing.
My heart and prayers go out to you and yours.
Thank you for commenting and i’ll Keep you two in my prayers as well.
Oh Cindy I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I have enjoyed your blogs and maybe someday you’ll continue. In the meantime we all understand. Hang in there cousin. Love to you both
Thank you Becky, and I hope to visit with you when i’m down in Marco. Let me know when you’re Available and I’ll come visit you.
So sorry to hear this news. Hard on you and Chuck and as my sister in law, who is also living with this, tells us, she has to remember to agree with what her husband says, smile and then do what needs doing. Difficult. Best wishes to you. I have enjoyed your blog and will miss your humour and your travel adventures, as I am sure do you.
Stay strong…Nancy
Thank you for the kind words. Your sister is so right, and I wish her all the best.
Cindy, so sorry to hear. John and I really enjoyed our time with you in the Mediterranean. We hope things go as well as possible for you and Chuck. Take care. Cheryl Wicker
Cindy, so sorry to hear. John and I really enjoyed our time together in the Mediterranean. We hope things go as well as possible for you and Chuck. Take care.
Thank you, Cheryl. We really enjoyed our time, too.
Oh my! I am a new follower. I saw the email and clicked over. I am so sad I had tears when reading your post. I am praying for you and your dear Chuck. God bless you both. I will stay subed so that I can read an update if you ever post one.
Thank you for the well wishes and prayers.
Cindy,
At the library over the last year I have watched the strain you are under gradually claim more and more of your zest for living. Please don’t abandon your blog entirely. For those laboring under similar situations I think it might be very therapeutic to read of your trials and how you have either solved them or learned to live with the situation. My prayers are with you daily.
Your “sister” ,
Dee
Thank you Dee. I hope to come back to the blog and plan to leave that window open. The library is my get away, my chance to leave all this behind if only for a day.
I haven’t heard or seen a thing from you in quite some time, so I’m checking in to see how things are going. As for my end, I’m trying to hold things together but it’s nearing the time when I will need outside help.
Things are going downhill here as well. I have someone coming in twice a week to take him and shop for groceries and run other errands. chuck’s short term memory is gone, but he is able to do almost everything else independently. we moved to Monticello back in the summer and everything is within walking distance. he really likes this because it gives him more independence. thankfully, he still doesn’t get lost. Plus, the sheriffs department put an ankle device on him the other day so we can find him if he does. The transition to getting outside help is not easy. Chuck is converts that he is OK and does not need help from anybody. Merry Christmas, and hang in there.