It is with a heavy heart that I must discontinue posting to my blog; why I must say goodbye. I find that I have less and less time for this endeavor as Chuck’s condition continues to decline.
If you remember, a little more than a year ago I posted a description of my initial reactions to Chuck’s diagnosis of mild cognitive impairment. You can read about it here.
We entered into a long line of tests feeling confident that they would find an answer to his short-term memory problem, a diagnoses that could be reversible. We were wrong. It appears Chuck is part of the 65% who worsens over time.
At the time I thought I could continue the blog and maybe even share moments of our life with all of you. I even thought it might be therapeutic.
But I was wrong on so many levels. As Chuck’s condition deteriorates, I have less and less time for the blog, book, the garden, or any other hobbies that I had. It’s time to say goodbye.
One Wild Ride
It has been a wild ride. He completely stopped paying bills back around Christmas of last year, and it was a relief at the time because I never knew whether all the bills were getting paid or not. Since then I have had to pick up that chore myself. For the first time in 30 years I’ve had to sit down and pay bills. On the bright side I haven’t had to worry about our finances in a very long time.
On the other hand when things break, I no longer have him to depend upon. In fact the situation has reversed and is worse than ever. He still thinks he can fix it.
For example, a few weeks ago one of the toilets at the coast malfunctioned. We don’t stay there all the time, and we noticed an odor each time when we arrived—an odor that disappeared after a short while. Then a couple of weeks ago we arrived but this time the odor did not disappear right away. Instead Chuck flush the toilet and water poured out of the seal just above the floor.
We immediately called the plumber but it was Friday afternoon and the plumber could not get to us until Monday. We decided not to use the toilet until he came. He told us that the toilet had been re-sealing itself after each long period of non use until finally the gap got so large that it released water.
However on that Saturday Chuck called me into that bathroom and proudly announced that he fixed the toilet. He had a bucket of water and had taken the lid off of the back of the toilet whereupon he demonstrated how he could pour the water into the tank and then lift the bulb to flush the toilet. I tried to explain that this wasn’t the problem but he would have none of it so convinced was he. I’m learning to just agree and move on. By that afternoon, he broke the bulb off.
The next Monday I had a doctor’s appointment and was away when another plumber came who did not know exactly what was wrong with the toilet. So he fixed the broken bulb and left without fixing the seal. I had to call the plumber back to fix the original problem.
Two Steps Forward and One Step Back
This is my life now, one step forward and two steps back. And now Chuck is having fender benders—at least five that we know of in the past several weeks. Two totaling almost $5,000. He is having a driving assessment. Meanwhile we have to try to keep him out of the car…and the boat.
He is angry about it because he doesn’t understand. He keeps telling us that he feels fine and that nothing is wrong and that we are all blowing this out of proportion. Yesterday he angrily accused us of treating him like a child.
Time to Reorganize
And so my time is consumed by phone calls, appointments, and general minutia. It is time for me to re-organize my life so that I begin to have more time for Chuck as well as myself. I also have to realize that I cannot do it all.
So I won’t be posting anything new and will probably not continue updating any of the old posts as I have been doing since the first of the year. I will keep the website up and I may give everyone an update from time to time but nothing will be regular. For now I owe it to my sweet, sweet Chuck to try to maintain calm and carry-on the best that we can, to bask in the fleeting golden moments of time together.
It has been a wonderful five years writing to you. Thank you to everyone for all the supportive comments and feedback and all the best to each of you. I may be back when life changes again, but for now it is goodbye.