I’ve noticed what I feel is an effort to be an overly protective parent.  Maybe even too overly protective.  If my parents were still alive, they would probably debate whether children today are allowed to grow and develop into independent adults.  Yesterday, though, I saw the opposite of an over protective parent.

Yesterday, we took two of our grandchildren to an outdoor youth event. They got to watch shooting demonstrations, see a pool full of baby alligators and even hold them, sit in a fire truck and see forestry fire equipment, and ride on a hay wagon from event to event; but the highlight of the trip was the fish pond stocked with catfish.

Yesterday, we took two of our grandchildren to an outdoor youth event. They got to watch shooting demonstrations, see a pool full of baby alligators and even hold them, sit in a fire truck and see forestry fire equipment, and ride on a hay wagon from event to event; but the highlight of the trip was the fish pond stocked with catfish.

Each was given a Shakespeare fishing rod that they were allowed to keep; and it came complete with a sinker, float, big circle hook and a paper solo cup full of diced hot dogs. The catfish must love the hot dogs because boy were they biting.

Most interesting of all, though, was this very well-dressed, cute five-year-old that was fishing by himself. He had trouble casting, so Chuck started helping him just like he helped our grandchildren. This went on for well over an hour, as we kept waiting for the child’s parents to come back, which they never did.

Finally, we asked the child about his parents, especially his mother; but he said that he didn’t have a mother. Later, they were closing down the event, we went to one of the staff to let them know that this little boy was alone and no adult had come forward the entire time.

When we were leaving on the hay wagon, we noticed a staffer get on with the little boy and another slightly older boy who seemed to be the older sibling. Back at the parking lot, we noticed the two boys and the staffer walking around, but there seemed to be no parent. The older boy looked to be about eight.

This event was almost ten miles from the nearest rural small town. I believe in the end they would have had to give these kids to one of the deputy sheriffs who were there to help with traffic control.  I left thinking that someone had lost their mind leaving a five-year-old with no adult supervision especially at an event like this.

What struck me, though, was how well behaved this child was. He was clean, neat, hair well groomed, no crying and whining when he didn’t get his way; and he even helped our two-year-old.

This little five year old acted like an adult. He melded into our family like one of us. We kept trying to get him to let us handle the catfish. They can spine you pretty badly, but he insisted on handling his own. He was truly self-sufficient, except for casting; and Chuck helped him learn how.

I have always been impressed with the self-sufficiency of some young people, especially those who were raised in orphanages.   Can you imagine how self-sufficient they have to be?  They are one of many children.  The older ones have to help take care of the younger children.

I learned this when I was about eight years old.   My family brought home a young girl who had just graduated from high school in a Tennessee orphanage.  The headmaster was an old army buddy of my dad’s, and he was worried that this young, naïve girl might have problems being turned out into the world so quickly, as orphanages must do to make room for the younger ones.

We brought her to our hometown, where she lived with us and enrolled in the local junior college.  Today, she is a wonderful woman with a career behind her and a family including grandchildren.  On a character scale of 1 to 10, she is a 10.

Another great example of this was a man named Norman Rales.  He was raised in an orphanage, and at the age of 17 he was given a little money, a suit and told to go out and find work.  He did just that, and in the end, he became a very wealthy man and a great philanthropist.  During his lifetime he developed and owned several companies, as well as the Texas Rangers.

Chuck had an opportunity to do some work for Mr. Rales, and he always had a great deal of respect for the octogenarian, who passed away a few years ago at the age of 88.

So back to our day at the outdoor event.

What is GRIT?

It is obvious to me that this little five-year-old boy was “raising himself” or at least he was that day.  In fact, he seemed to be doing a good job of it.  This little boy seemed to have something that the psychology community is now studying.  They call it “grit”, and they think it helps explain how children of dysfunctional homes find a way to excel.  They also believe that this is a better indicator of success in adult life than intelligence.

There is a movie called “Race to NoWhere”, and it talks about the problems facing children of affluent families.  It shows how we in America have stolen our children’s childhood through our race for achievement, whether in academia, sports, or the arts.

Children of Affluent Families

Also, affluence is a relative term today.  What we consider upper-middle-class today would be considered affluent just forty years ago.  For those of us over fifty, ask yourself, “How often did your family eat out when you were young?”  Now look at our lives today and ask the same question.

Now look at our lives today and ask the same question.  Middle-class families today eat out often, have closets full of clothes, and live in big houses.  We also raise our children much differently than we did forty years ago.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that we have it so much easier than our parents did; and we have the ability to make it much easier for our children, too.

“Race to Nowhere” and subsequent studies on resilience and grit have helped to build a growing movement of psychologists and educators.  They argue that the methods and systems that we use to raise and educate our children in the United States today are in fact devastating them.

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In the movie is a psychologist named Madeline Levine, who is the author of the best-selling book, “The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids.” She talks about studies and surveys that back up her theory that children of affluent parents now exhibit “unexpectedly high rates of emotional problems beginning in junior high school.”

She feels all of this is a direct result of the child-rearing practices that is currently used in affluent American homes.  How many times have you heard about a parent who pushed their child to excel and also tried to shield the child from failure?

Failure, according to these psychologists is the kind of experience that can lead to grit and character growth.  Kids who are shielded from this don’t have a threshold for suffering.  One can imagine what will happen when they try to succeed in life–when life throws them a curve as it always does.

And we need to ask ourselves if these are the people that are shooting up movie theaters, schools, and other public places?  Something obviously has gone wrong in their life, and they obviously cannot deal with it.

Sometimes I wonder if we overly protect and overly devote ourselves to our children.  I wonder if we are overly protective parents.

So back to the outdoor event.  There were a lot of kids out there that day who were misbehaving in one way or the other, including our own. As discipline goes, this little lonely little boy seemed to be the best of the lot that day.